More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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