Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Randomize
