I wish I could teleport
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
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