Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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