NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
