Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
