WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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