just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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