I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
