"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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