I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
how does that bad decision feel?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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