take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
