it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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