ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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