I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
