I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
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