If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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