I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
