hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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