Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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