Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
