And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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