Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
