ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
