Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
