If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
