Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
