Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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