I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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