The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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