Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
