yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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