and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
