Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
it's like iHOP with fire
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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