he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
