even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
