i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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