We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
