please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Randomize
