I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
