is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
