Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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