just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
