Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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