I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
