I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
