totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
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