you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
