everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
this beer tastes like vomit already
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
