I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
